Taking It All Off In Peoria

Now that the Today Show has come out firmly against the wine-drinking mommies, it can be only a matter of time before the condemnation of Good Parents Everywhere falls upon playgroup strippers.

Increasingly popular among once-professional, suburbia-bound women suffering from the disappearance of abdominal sculpting among middle-age suburban men, these gatherings feature an impromptu "adult" performance by the hot guy who arrives dressed in the tight-fitting garb of a popular comic book hero.

For a few extra dollars, these performers add what is known as a "Mommy’s Encore" while the children are distracted by some other activity.

While there is no way to know exactly how widespread the practice has become, party performers at three of the Midwest’s largest booking agencies say their "off the books" income from such gatherings is increasingly lucrative.

"When I started doing this, nobody wanted to do the kid’s parties," said one performer, who asked not to be identified because of the tax implications. "Now everybody wants the Spiderman gigs."

The performer, who says he earned $4,000 in playgroup "tips" last year in just one circuit in the suburban Midwest, says there is no question that his faithful gym regimen was paying off.

"You can’t make it in the children’s party business anymore without a rock-hard ass and six-pack abs," he said. "Not in Illinois or Indiana anyway."

Though typically not discussed outside of "playgroup," the growing popularity of the practice can be discerned from a careful reading of the sometimes coded language used by women posting tips on Internet "Mommy Blogs."

"Superman was smoking underneath that cape," reads a recommendation posted on one site under the discussion tag "Second-hand Smoke."

Surprisingly, psychologist Dr. Janet Taylor, whose recent appearance on the Today Show capped a thoughtful discussion of the many ways in which women have failed to completely sublimate themselves to the demands of parenting, said she was not prepared to completely condemn the practice.

"As a general rule, I advise women to find other ways to have fun but it is difficult for me to work up any outrage over playgroup burlesque when the far more destructive practice of wine drinking goes rampantly unchallenged," Taylor said.

Photo: Mommy digs Captain America. Courtesy, Times Square Hunks

© 2007 P.M. Dunnigan/Suburban Kamikaze

Comments

[Sharon]

This by far, has GOT to be the BEST expose written...EVER!!!

Uhhh...I'm in the Northeast, can you direct me to the neareast abdominally sculpted playdate accessory???

Seriously, came here via the comments on Suburban Bliss. You stand up for her nicely and in true mother's-IN-arms fashion!

[Denver Dad]

Do parties like this exist for dads? Oh... wait... yeah, they're called "bachlor parties." Nevermind. :)