Go Ahead and Ask: The SK FAQs

The Suburban Kamikaze answers your frequently asked questions:

Should I get a $450 spring-loaded, adjustable stripper’s pole for my living room?

Stripper’s poles are so last week. The New Jersey women featured in the New York Times story are already using theirs to hang laundry.

Is laundry sexy?

According to Kamikaze contributor Steven D., the products contained in a typical laundry room are a stockpile of blatantly sexual innuendo.

He provided the following examples:

Sexy Household Products

RubberMaid

Palmolive

Downy

Bounty

Johnson’s

Miracle-Gro

Playtex

Has anyone ever called you the "postmillennial love child of a legalized union between Erma Bombeck and Dorothy Parker"?

As a matter of fact...

Anyone who is not a close personal friend?

Okay, no.

How long did it take to write the Magna Carta?

That is exactly my point. 

Are Midwesterners really as wholesome as they pretend to be?

If by "wholesome" you mean "convinced of their own uniquely Midwestern goodness that only people born in a 12 state region comprising more than 60 million people can ever hope to embody," then, yes.

Your husband says there is always one paragraph in everything you write that is completely impenetrable – often attributable to your habit of interjecting parenthetical elements into the middle of sentences - and has to be read at least three times before its meaning can be deciphered. Does he have a point?

No.

Photo: Ask the Suburban Kamikaze. I'm listening....  by Rick McCawley

Comments

[Denise]

I believe you forgot to tell how you told your children about the first bunny that passed away. And by the way.....

[Suburban Kamikaze]

ah, but if you click on the word "relatively" in the rabbit-runs-through-it post, you will see that I have linked the whole sordid episode.

Candor is my middle name. Of course, that is short for "skillfully managed appearance of candor..."