Five Easy Pieces (of ass)

The Vila

Good: Make her laugh.

Better: Make her laugh while you are wearing a tool belt low on your hips.

A Sure Thing: Make her laugh while you are wearing a tool belt low on your hips and building more closet space for her shoes.

The Royale

Good: Suck blood from her fingers in the shower.

Better: Suck blood from her fingers in the shower while wearing a tuxedo.

A Sure Thing: Suck blood from her fingers in the shower while wearing a tuxedo over your rock-hard Bowflex body.

Great Scot

Good: Grow your hair long.

Better: Grow your hair long and learn to joust.

A Sure Thing: Grow your hair long, learn to joust, arrange to lead an army into battle against England, succeed brilliantly and return quoting Renaissance poetry in the original French.

French Kiss

Good: Take an interest in what she is reading.

Better: Take an interest in what she is reading and add some French to your vocabulary.

A Sure Thing: Take an interest in what she is reading, add some French to your vocabulary and become a dark-eyed Parisian bookseller with a gift for applying Band-Aids.

The Sting

Good: Add a long black Versace coat to your wardrobe.

Better: Add a long black Versace coat to your wardrobe and wear it over your rock star biceps.

A Sure Thing: Add a long, black Versace coat to your wardrobe and wear it over your rock star biceps while strolling the grounds of your English country manor.

Photo: How the well-dressed man showers.

© 2007 P.M. Dunnigan/Suburban Kamikaze

Comments

[BOSSY]

Bossy would settle for a tool belt worn slightly above nasty ass crack. Really, as long as there are home repairs involved.

[nthnglsts]

This post has a very Lisa-like quality about it...

[suburban kamikaze]

She was inspirational.