I'm Too Sexy for Small Print

I am a 40-something woman in a small Midwestern town. I never thought this would happen to me.

But there I was last week being fitted for a pair of prescription reading glasses.

I’ve always been a passionate reader, ever since I could read. It is not unusual for me to take three or four authors to bed at the same time. For weeks now, I’ve been involved in a three-way with Kurt Vonnegut and Ayn Rand.

Then something changed.

I began noticing a distance between me and my bed partners. The words were still there, but the intimacy was gone. I was holding them at arm’s length.

The doctor, who was not a handsome man with broad shoulders and penetrating eyes, suggested accessories – two slick, glass lenses encased in hard, chocolate-colored plastic, to be worn about the face.

The effect on my vision was subtle.

But at home I discovered my powers of seduction had magnified along with the small print.

"Tonight," Mr. Kamikaze whispered after seeing me in them for the first time, "come to bed wearing nothing but those."

It is an effect I do not really understand. What is it about corrected vision that fills the minds of suburban men with, well, visions?

A librarian fantasy? An allusion to helplessness? Magnification?

It isn't clear to me, unlike the view through my lust-inspiring lenses. Like expensive underwear, I put them on only to find I have to keep taking them off.

I am falling behind in my reading.

But I look good.

© 2007 Suburban Kamikaze

Comments

[Robert K]

Just goes to show you that Dorothy Parker broad didn't have all the answers, after all.

[BOSSY]

Bossy can still read but she has a little trouble clipping her claws. She means fingernails.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

I do not like to quibble with Dorothy Parker, but this quip leaves me wondering if something was lost in the typesetting...
Perhaps it should have read: "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses - until they have had a good look at their asses."

[Suburban Kamikaze]

and Bossy's claws are her best feature...

[Izzy]

I'm not even 40 yet and I'm having trouble reading lately. Pretty soon I'll need longer arms. But yes, my new specs (nearsightedness, not reading) seem to bring out the geeklover in my huz, too. They're kinda like those 50's cat eyes glasses, minus the rhinestones, of course.

[Dildos]

really sexy dress...