Einstein's Mommy
I don't like to brag, but while your children were sitting zombie-like in front of their television cartoons this morning, my children were dragging their "Smithsonian XM 5000 MicroChemistry" sets to the kitchen table to begin the kind of searching, discovery-filled scientific inquiries that might have taken place over breakfast in the Einstein household.
The Smithsonian XM 5000 MicroChemistry Set is a "world of adventure, discovery and wonder" and contains everything necessary to conduct over 1,500 different scientific experiments and procedures. Including poison. Also marble chips.
"What's 'marble chips'?" the fourth-grader asks her big brother.
"It's candy," he says without hesitating. "It's what they make Snickers out of."
But she is no fool. After all, she is the one wearing two pairs of safety goggles as they attempt to connect a pair of wires to a battery and a light bulb.
Plus she has discovered something more interesting than marble chips.
"I have poi-sooooon," she sings out in her musical theater voice. "It's won-der-ful."
I look up from The New York Times, which I am enjoying along with my Starbucks Kenya Bold, and give her a smile that says "I fully encourage your scientific curiosity and creative impulses."
Also, "I will not be baited into alarm over your casual handling of tiny vials with pictures of skulls on them. Not even if you switch to opera voice."
She switches to opera voice. "Dan-ger-ous, dangerous, POI-son. I have LOTS of POI-son..."
Soon my newspaper will be strewn with little vials and scoops and wires and every imaginable bit of scientific paraphernalia, except for the 85-page instruction booklet, which will remain in the box. (Safety rule #1: Never allow a child to eat any chemical or the products of their experiment!)
Duh.
(Safety rule # 1, paragraph 2: Do not allow any liquid to be drunk while experimentation is being conducted. Not even Starbucks Kenya Bold.)
Oops.
"Poi-son of my verrrrry own."
Perhaps I am not Einstein's mommy after all. Because I really just want to read my newspaper and drink my possibly poisoned coffee in peace.
"Very, very, very fatal poooiii-son..."
But probably not enough.
I had Kenya Bold this morning too.
The Opera Voice cracks me up.
Posted by: Jane | March 16, 2008 at 03:38 PM
Opera voice? Snicker. Your post makes me crave Starbucks and a good newspaper. I can get one tomorrow on my way to work; I won't have time to enjoy the paper, though. Rats.
Posted by: Daisy | March 16, 2008 at 05:40 PM
This demands video.
I would video my kids. But TV zombies aren't as interesting.
Posted by: Miss Britt | March 17, 2008 at 08:37 AM
Love that first sentence--mine is behind me now being a zombie. Whatev...as long as mom gets her blogging time.
Poison?
Posted by: Ok, Where Was I? | March 18, 2008 at 11:34 AM
I'm a bit anxious; this post is dated two days ago. Has anyone called poison control -- or the hospital?
Or Starbucks?
Posted by: foolery | March 18, 2008 at 04:09 PM
We are all fine, thanks. Except that I never really got through the Sunday Times this week. It has left me feeling a little behind the news. Do we know yet exactly what a $4,500-an-hour hooker does?
And how long before we are expected to do it for free?
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 19, 2008 at 08:05 PM
Not to get all graphic here, but the answers to your questions are:
1) It involved putting your tongue somewhere you would not necessarily think that you'd really want it to go; and
2) Next Tuesday, after Dancing with the Stars.
Posted by: Rattling the Kettle | March 20, 2008 at 01:56 PM
That may be a record-breaking tipping point, Kettle. Does Malcolm Gladwell know about this?
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 20, 2008 at 06:36 PM
See? THIS is why I love you so.
Posted by: Mr Lady | March 22, 2008 at 03:00 PM
We love you too Mister, and not just because you put whiskey in our sippy cups...
Here is an excerpt from "Spices that Will Get you Laid" at whiskeyinmysippycup.com:
"Star Anise is just what it sounds like; shaped like a star. It’s a bit expensive, and you probably won’t use it for anything but this, but when people come over and see it in your spice rack, they will think you have mad gourmet skilz and are a chef to be reconded with. This is especially helpful if you are SINGLE..."
We like this so much we are not even going to take issue with "reconded."
You make it work somehow.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | March 22, 2008 at 03:38 PM
my son recieved this kit from his bus driver but there r no instructions, can anyony help
Posted by: flirtyfairy374@yahoo.com | April 17, 2009 at 07:31 PM