We practically wrote the book on what you don't know
Esquire recently asked its readers to contribute to a popular feature in which famous women are asked to make a list of "10 Things You Don't Know About Women."
Where to begin? There is so much you don't know, Esquire Guy.
1. The best way to make sure we will not go to bed with you tonight is to accuse us of being in the throes of PMS.
2. The second best way is to fail to recognize that we are in the throes of PMS. Duh.
3. Cappuccino. That whole "liquor is quicker" thing hasn’t really worked since the children came along.
4. Angelina Jolie is not really our lesbian love interest. We just say that for you.
5. There is no aphrodisiac like a clean house.
6. Please do not ever, ever let us see you naked if you are still wearing your socks. Not even Daniel Craig can pull off this look.
7. We like it when you buy us underwear. We love it when you buy us underwear that we actually like to wear. We know how hard it is for you to pass on the novelty panties.
8. We can’t really explain the whole shoe thing. But you should really let it go.
9. If vibrators had chest hair and a sense of humor, we would still prefer sex with you – but it would be a close call.
10. We are totally picturing you naked right now.
Bossy feels so fortunate to be the first comment because she has so much to say about this, and that so much to say is,
"Exactly."
Posted by: BOSSY | May 16, 2008 at 03:27 PM
Ha ha ha ha -- excellent list. Especially the clean house thing, which makes me tired just thinking about how NOT clean it is right now.
Posted by: MommyTime | May 16, 2008 at 05:50 PM
How good would the sense of humor be?
Posted by: foolery | May 17, 2008 at 10:59 PM
OMG, Foolery's question. Ditto.
If that jack rabbit vibrator could make me laugh...well, I wouldn't be here reading this. We'd be out having Sunday brunch and a quickie in the bathroom.
And yes! #5 is the hottest. Cleaning the bathroom is even hotter than cleaning the kitchen.
Posted by: Ok, Where Was I? | May 18, 2008 at 09:16 AM
Well then who is your lesbian love interest, I mean, really?
Posted by: Audubon Ron | May 19, 2008 at 09:07 AM
It is a toss-up between the woman who does our pedicures and the woman who sells us our wine - who, ironically, are dead ringers for Angelina Jolie.
SK
Posted by: Suburban Kamikaze | May 19, 2008 at 05:32 PM
Right On!
Posted by: Madness | May 20, 2008 at 05:38 AM
I've never been turned on by the idea of having two women at once or two women making out. I'm a little out numbered as it is.
Posted by: Audubon Ron | May 20, 2008 at 06:59 AM
10. Really? Yikes. The rest of them I knew, except I'm pretending your list goes from 3 to 5 and 4 just doesn't exist.
Posted by: Jay | June 29, 2008 at 10:20 AM